Sometimes even the best of us aren’t very good at taking our own advice. Not too long ago, I wrote about being too busy and what it means to have margin . I’ve had way too much busy and certainly not enough margin recently. Anyone with me here?

I think it is safe to say when when your day includes pulling over just to cry it out because you are feeling so incredibly overwhelmed – you’re too busy. Yes, that was me on Monday. It all just seemed to much. Sometimes, it’s about learning to say no . Other times, everything will just happen at once and no matter how well you’ve learned to manage your time and say yes and no to the right things, you will have too much on your plate, not enough hours in the day and you will have to push through.

That has been me for the past two weeks – taking one day at time, often moments at a time. I have taken Don Miller’s tweet from today to a whole new level. He said, “To be yourself is to challenge the world to show grace and to prove God is loving.” I have needed a lot of grace and love. Thankfully, I have had a lot of people giving it.

Lately, there has been no rhythm to my life, days have passed me by and I have grieved over what I felt were missed moments. So, I will breath in and offer myself some of that grace and love and maybe shed another tear or two. This is often the hardest thing to do.

Thankfully for me, tonight the onslaught of busyness has come to halt. Tomorrow, I can recalibrate and try some new steps. I already have the dance track playing in my mind.

And so, this is Why I’ll Wait One More Day to post reviews and write out the other half dozen or so named and half-written blogs stored here on WordPress. I’m giving some grace to myself (and some much needed rest). Even though I’d like to say

Everything That’s on My Mind…

Have Hope,
Kelly

Sunday a woman named Martha rode her bicycle to church. She didn’t park it outside the door. She brought it in with her. Of course, the natural response is to ask her to park it outside the door. She politely refused because she was afraid someone would steal it. This is when I stepped in. There was no great revelation, I just wanted her to feel comfortable and to stay. I took Martha and her bike down the school hallway where she parked it against the wall. I assured her that I would watch over it. It may very well be her only means of transportation. I don’t know. What I do know is that it was precious to her.

Mind you, this is the same bike Martha was on when I met her the week before. She had been biking for hours at the time and was on her way back home. I invited her to church and actually talked to her for a very long time. She quizzed me on all our beliefs and said maybe she would stop by. The funny thing is that the main thing Martha wanted to know was if we allowed women to minister. We chatted for a long time. She shared her a lot of her story and told me how she knew God kept coming after her, drawing her to Him. She saw her survival and God’s grace as a miracle in her life.

Her face, her story, her persistence rolled through my mind.

How could I not accommodate the bike?

They love bikes in Amsterdam. Wherever you go there are always places for your bike. The picture above is taken on a canal in Amsterdam. I used a stock photo because I don’t have a scanner to be able to post any of my own. I love this city. It was the first place I ever went outside the US and it captured my heart to say the least. I stare at my own pictures with dreamy eyes and longing. I think of the personal transformation I experienced there. I think of how God captured my heart and exposed my preconceived notions. For the first time, I came to accept who I was at the core – who He had created me to be and the things that He wanted me to do.

That’s what I want my church to be (really what I want all churches to be) – like Amsterdam. I want to love bikes. Wherever I am, I want to make a place for them. I want my church to be a place that people love. I want the Jesus they see there to capture people’s hearts. I want them to have dreamy eyes and longing – for us, God’s people, the community, for Jesus. I want them to be transformed. I want God to capture their hearts and expose their preconceived notions about who He is and who they are. I want them to accept themselves for who they are – to see who they are created to be and understand the things He wants them to do.

People are always going to walk through the doors of our churches holding tightly to things that are precious to them. How will we accommodate them? Will we make room? Will we give them the space to be who they are – large bicycle and all?

I think it is easy to be spiritual and talk about the really “big” interruptions we might face like wheelchairs and handicaps or anything that makes us feel slightly uncomfortable and say how God would want us to make room and Jesus would stop the entire service to heal. What I’m learning is that sometimes life is simply more ordinary than that. Sometimes we are accommodating bicycles or quirky personalities or simply people who just get on our nerves. I think our response in these situations is equally as important. Will we make room?

There has been some buzz in the blogosphere lately about how it’s mostly men who talk about church and church leadership. I thought maybe I could throw my two cents in here. I don’t have a top ten list or three points that you can run with and completely transform the life of your church. I simply have two words –

make room.

That is what Jesus did his entire ministry. He invited people in – quirks, big bicycles and all – and made room for them to discover who He was just as they were. It’s only right that I do the same.

I’m not sure I really believed Martha would come. I know I never thought she would come through the front door bike in hand. I’m glad she did. I’m glad she stayed. And even though I’m not really sure why I did, I’m glad I made room.

Have Hope,
Kelly

I think this Easter Sunday might have been one of the best yet. We had a photo taken with my family for the first time in 3 years – entirely too long. You’ll see my brother Kevin (and my parents) in the pic below and can read about him here (in my most popular blog post ever!).

I’m a little partial to this photo too! My kids are getting so huge.

After Easter, we knew we would need a little time away. We had been planning and dreaming about this excursion for a while. Brian and I headed to Yorktown for one day and then north to the big city. We spent our entire first day in Ikea. A dream come true. Freedom to roam the store with no kids, no place to be and some cashola in the pocket to spend. The kids headed out for fun with their grandparents. We all had a blast to say the least.

Here’s a recap in pictures of our mini-vacay. It was wonderful and relaxing. I don’t remember the last time I walked that much. I always love when Brian and I are able to get away by ourselves. I know I’m patting myself on the back, but I really love the featured image for this post. I took it myself. I couldn’t believe how beautifully the flowers framed the door. The view from the porch was breathtaking and soothing all at the same time. I couldn’t have asked for a better trip. Like I said, everybody needs a little time away.

Before we headed out from the big city, we took time to stop in at AMC and see Blue Like Jazz. As I told you yesterday, I’ll be posting my review later in the week. Let’s just say I wasn’t disappointed.

Since we’ve been back, we have had company and completely rearranged our house – again! Things are almost back to normal around here and you’ll be hearing more from me soon.

Mt. Vernon is a great place to visit. Remember, everybody needs a little time away.

Have Hope,
Kelly

Have Hope…

Belle drew this when we first moved to Virginia. I have kept it on my wall ever since. It made me smile and still does. Back then, it reminded to hope for better days. When I see it now, I am grateful for the way God has cared for us and makes me excited when I think about the future.

I will be back tomorrow with some pictures to post of my great mini-vacay with my Brian. I will also have a review of the movie Blue Like Jazz later in the week and there are a couple more things up my sleeve.

So, I’m hoping that you haven’t forgotten me and will be back to visit.

For whomever needs it tonight…

Have Hope,
Kelly

I haven’t been able to get this thought out of my head since last week. I have been thinking about what’s next for this blog, what’s next for my family, what’s next for our church and what’s next for the 16 people who made a life changing decision to take a chance on Christ this past Sunday. Wow! So while I have spent a lot of time rejoicing (and yesterday completely decompressing), my heart is full of these questions.

It isn’t always easy to figure out what’s next in life. When I reach crossroads like these, I always think about Proverbs 16. It says that the mind of a man plans his ways, but the Lord directs His steps. And later in the chapter it says if I give attention to the word I will find good and that understanding is a fountain of life to the one who has it. I find this chapter comforting. I do the best I can to be obedient with what I have in my hands and trust that ultimately He is directing the course, opening and closing doors and sending me along the right path even when I don’t understand.

For the blog, I don’t know what is next. I did what I set out to do these last 40 days. For now, I will do my best to be here everyday. I will continue to write – for the life it gives to me. I will continue to write – for those of you who send the messages and help me to realize that what I do has value. I will continue to write – for my children who will have a history of their life and mine. I will write because I know I have to do it, and I will not stop until that knowing is gone.

For my family, I look forward to the long days of summer and no school. I want to soak up every fleeting moment as long as I can. I want to work hard and play hard. I want to build loft beds and re-decorate rooms. I want to jump on the trampoline and swim in the make-shift pool. I want to love them hard. I want to give them freedom and send them away to have fun with grandparents and friends. I want to sneak off with my husband and pretend we are young lovers again. I want to whisper secrets and dream crazy dreams and see what happens as we learn each other all over again.

For my church, I will work hard and dream big. I will take comfort in the community of believers and safety I have found. I will work hard and play hard. I will reach out. I will lead a small group for girls in hopes that they too will feel safe and take comfort in the community they have found. I will watch families worship together, grow together, break bread together and play at the park. I will watch as friends serve our brothers and sisters in Jamaica. I will pray hard and sometimes long and do the best I can to be a friend, a confidant, a burden barer for those whose load seems to much. I will give – my only expectation to see more hurt people find their way to a healing savior.

For the 16 people who made a life change, I will hope. I bear a holy weight to see them connect – to find comfort and safety in the community of believers that I have found. I long for nothing more than to see them find others with whom they can live life, find joy and find peace when life send its heavy blows (and it will). I want to help them know Jesus. I want to introduce them to the magic and mystery of His words and His ways. I want them to never grow bored of discovering what life can be, even when it is hard. Above all, I want them to have hope – for life, for family, for Jesus.

This is what’s next.

Lent is over. Easter has come and gone. What’s next for you?

Great God
Help me to see clearly the next steps in my journey.
I want to know you more each day.
Use me to help others draw closer to you.
Lord, you have the right answers.
Through your love and faithfulness you wash away my sin.
You establish my steps.
Teach me self-control.
May my words be gracious – full of life and healing.
Let my life be good medicine to those I know.

AMEN

I Peter 2:24
He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.

Because words are still important…

The Atonement: Beautiful Scandalous Night
from At the Foot of the Cross – Clouds, Fire, Rain

Go on up to the mountain of mercy,
To the crimson perpetual tide.
Kneel down on the shore,
Be thirsty no more,
Go under and be purified.

Follow Christ to the Holy Mountain,
Sinner, sorry and wrecked by the fall,
Cleanse your heart and your soul.
In the fountain that flows,
For you and for me and for all

[Chorus]
At the wonderful tragic mysterious tree,
On that beautiful scandalous night you and me,
Were atoned by His blood and forever washed white,
On that beautiful scandalous night.

On the hillside you will be delivered,
At the foot of the cross, justified.
And your spirit restored,
By the river that pours,
From our blessed Saviour’s side

[Chorus]
At the wonderful tragic mysterious tree,
On that beautiful scandalous night you and me,
Were atoned by His blood and forever washed white,
On that beautiful scandalous night.

Bridge,
You carry the sin of mankind on your back,
And the sky went black.
Go on up to the mountain of mercy,
Go the crimson perpetual tide.
Kneel down on the shore,
Be thirsty no more,
Go under and be purified.

[Chorus]
At the wonderful tragic mysterious tree,
On that beautiful scandalous night you and me,
Were atoned by His blood and forever washed white,
On that beautiful scandalous night.

[Chorus]
At the wonderful tragic mysterious tree,
On that beautiful scandalous night you and me,
Were atoned by His blood and forever washed white,
On that beautiful scandalous night.

On that beautiful scandalous night,
Beautiful scandalous,
Miraculous night…

Readings for today:

Psalm 22

Isaiah 52:13 – 53:12

John 18:1 – 19:42

Hebrews 10:16-25

Hebrews 4:14-16 ; 5:7-9

Thank you Lord for that beautiful scandalous night. May I be ever mindful of your sacrifice. I kneel down at your shore. I am thirsty no more. My Spirit restored. Lord, YOU are beautiful scandalous…

AMEN

You can find the original post for Beautiful, Scandalous Night here.

Maundy Thursday – today I reflect on Jesus’ last meal with His friends. He loved them all, even His betrayer. On this night, Jesus takes the time to serve those He loves by washing their feet, a task usually reserved for servants. He humbles himself. He pours out the water to cleanse their feet and later pours out His life to cleanse their hearts. He anointed them to go and make disciples. He anointed them for their own cruel deaths. He commands them to do what He has done. He loved them until the end. He said they will know us by our love for one another.

If I am truly a disciple, I bear the same command.

I am such a work in progress.

Lectionary Readings:

Psalm 116:1,10-17

Exodus 12:1-14

John 13:1-7, 31-35

I Corinthians 11:23-26

Holy God, source and sovereign,
you put all power and authority into the hands of Christ —
Christ, who washes our feet in humble service.
Teach us to love one another as Christ has loved us,
so that everyone will know that we are his disciples;
through Jesus Christ our Lord we pray.

How beautiful, O Lord, are the feet
that proclaim the gospel.

Make us ready to follow Christ:
in word and action,
in service and love,
so that all the world may know
the one we love and serve:
Jesus Christ the Lord. (Maundy Thursday Prayer – Presbyterian Church, USA)

AMEN

We had a beautiful thunderstorm here today. It was peaceful (even the lightening) and made me long for summer days to come. It is fun to watch the kids get creative when they are accustomed to playing outside so much lately.

For me, today was more than a little rough. I longed to drive to the top of the mountain. I wanted to crawl over the ledge, dangle my legs and look out over the vast beauty surrounding me. I needed my thoughts to be drawn to God and the wonder of His creativity. I longed to breath in all that is His alone. The thunderstorm was exactly the pause I needed.

I also needed these today. I needed to be reminded of the 30 pieces of silver and the scars betrayal must have left on Jesus’ heart.

Scripture readings for Wednesday of Holy Week:

Psalm 70

Isaiah 50:4-9

Matthew 26:14-16

Mark 14:10-11

Luke 22:1-6

John 13:21-32

Hebrews 12:1-3

Wednesday. A day of mysterious silence. Friday is almost here. The journey to the cross is about to begin. I’m not sure I’m ever ready but even so live desperately for it to begin.

Great God
On this day of mysterious silence
Scarred with betrayal so deep
You prepare to journey to a place that will bring you death.
Though visibly troubled, you forgive.
How desperately I want to be like you.
To love so deep, so wide.
To forgive what seems unforgivable.
To carry the cross. To crucify my flesh.
On this day of mysterious silence
let it be so.

AMEN

Whenever I think of reflecting, I always think of nature. I grew up in the mountains and whenever I wanted to be quiet or alone with my thoughts, I would drive to the top of the mountain. I would crawl over the ledge, dangle my legs and look out over the vast beauty surrounding me. It never failed that my thoughts were drawn to God and the wonder of His creativity. I will never forget the overwhelming feeling I had the first time I saw the Grand Canyon. When I think of it, I still wonder how anyone could believe this was an accident. When I am in His creation, I am removed from the busyness that is life and for a moment, I breath in all that is His alone.

As a person who works in a church, I have to be intentional in making sure to slow down this week. I have to plan moments to stop and reflect on the greatness of what Jesus did as He prepared to lay down His life so I could live. Though I probably won’t have time to drive to the beach or head to the mountains, I will stop. I hope that you will stop too. I stop to reflect on what Jesus did, but also the part I play. By mid-week, the hosannas of the crowd on Sunday have turned to horrors. Those who loved him are plotting against him. If we are not careful, we skip from Hosanna to Hallelujah and miss the long, dark days that lie in between. Silence. Reflection. The horrors are not easy to bear.

For the remainder of the week I will be posting links to scriptures that will help us both reflect on the wonder of Jesus and remember the dark days he faced before that glorious Easter morning.

Psalm 71:1-14

Isaiah 49:1-7

John 12:20-36

I Corinthians 1:18-31

Today, I am also including links to other bloggers who have some great reflections about Holy Week or related to it. Take a look at these blog posts as well:

Expectancy, Pregnant Pauses, and Holy Week by Emily Stone

and

Maybe He has dirt under His nails. He probably does. by Hope Butcher

Slow down. Stop. Reflect.

Great God
My eyes are blind,
My heart is hard,
Forgive me.
Let me see with my eyes
and perceive with my heart,
I turn to you, my God.
Save me. Heal me.
Let me see your Light. Let me know your glory.

AMEN

I’ve been thinking about this idea of “do the right thing” since Saturday. We had company coming in and I was making a very last minute run to the grocery store. My cart was full. I had milk and some other things on the bottom. The cashier took her scanner under the cart but I thought she missed the milk. A front end manager came by and even asked if she had scanned everything on the bottom. She told him yes. We finished up. I paid my HEFTY bill but was actually proud that I had saved more than I spent and headed out the door.

I couldn’t let go of the feeling that I hadn’t paid for my milk. So, I stopped and took out my receipt to check. Yep, she didn’t ring the milk. I stood there as if I was in some sort of ethical quandary. I was rationalizing everything. My order was huge. No one will care. By brother works at a grocery store. I know how they work. They get all kinds of write-offs. It’s not hurting anyone. The store is extremely busy. No one will know. Here’s the kicker – maybe this is God blessing me today. Yes, I actually went there. I also knew I couldn’t walk out the door. I hadn’t paid for my milk and I had to do the right thing.

I went back in and told the front end manager who had asked my cashier if she had scanned it all. Guess what? He took my receipt, went over it, told me that I did not pay for my milk and then abruptly walked away asking me to wait there as he went to help another customer, and another and another. Hey – I have frozen and refrigerated items in my cart here. I’m doing the right thing here – reward me! So, I waited and waited and waited. When he finally came back, he escorted me to customer service. Guess what? I was asked to wait again. The wait seemed forever. They just had to help this other customer first. There was no pending transaction on the register, and there was even an unused register open next to it. But, I had to wait. The customer came back only to say they were going to shop some more.

Really? Really? Come on. Now, this person also checks my receipt. I think we have confirmed that I DID NOT pay for the milk. I just want to pay for the milk. I could have been through self check out and home by now. I’m doing the right thing here. Finally, I get to pay for the milk. She rings it up and lets me know that I owe them $4.26. I pay for the milk. I did get a thank you. A mere thank you. No discount. No pat on the back. I lost fifteen minutes, could have been home and had the groceries put away and now have spent more than I saved. Yea me! I did the right thing.

I was mad. Seriously, I was fuming. I wanted something more for doing the right thing. But that isn’t the way doing the right thing works. Doing the right thing doesn’t always mean instant gratification. Doing the right thing doesn’t mean you will be rewarded (at least in that moment) In fact, sometimes doing the right thing means a harder road to follow. Sometimes, it can make you angry. It doesn’t mean for one second that we shouldn’t do the right thing. It is more than doing the right thing when no one is watching. Someone is always watching. Then there’s that feeling you can’t let go of in your gut (the Holy Spirit) reminding you that you need to do the right thing.

I’m not trying to be overly spiritual here, but it was the Saturday before Palm Sunday and here is where my train of thought went as I put the groceries in my car and prepared to drive home (and yes, I think this way all the time). I did the right thing and all I got was a thank you. Jesus did the right thing and he was beaten and crucified. OUCH! He spent His life doing the right thing and the gain comes now, for you and me. How long will he have to wait to truly see the rewards of doing the right things? Well, they could have at least given me $1 off for all my trouble. Don’t you think God’s blessings for doing the right thing will be bigger than $1 or even the $4.26 you paid in the long run? Wait. Yes. I was confining myself to the thought of such a small “blessing” for doing the right thing. I can’t let myself be confined to the instant gratification that my society demands. Sometimes $4.26 in my pocket is a huge blessing, and there are times like today when I was cheating myself and thinking less of God than I should. I do have money to pay for my groceries each time I go. HUGE blessing! It hasn’t always been that way.

Now, I’m sure that there are those of you reading this post who will think that I went overboard and should have just gone home with the milk. There are others who will wonder why I stood and thought about it at all. Then, I think there are a lot of you like me. Your sincere desire is to do the right thing, but like me, you’ve been taught a lot of things (many in innocence) that make your perspective skewed regarding what doing the right thing looks like or what the outcome of doing the right thing looks like.

As we begin Holy Week (Passion Week), I’d like to offer some perspective on what doing the right thing looks like:

First, sometimes doing the right thing will be easy and sometimes it will be hard. There is no way to know. I don’t do the right thing because it will be easy or hard or because of a suspected outcome. I do it because I should. No one forced me to go back and pay for the milk. I knew I had to and chose to do so. Jesus prayed for the cup to pass but did the right thing because he knew He had to and chose to do so. Don’t misunderstand, I’m not comparing what I did to Christ. I’m trying to give some perspective to how what I did was so very little.

Second, there is no prescription for what the outcome will look like. There may or may not be a reward (instantaneous or otherwise) and there might be pain involved in doing the right thing. I gave up an extra 15 minutes of my life. My freezer items started to melt, and I was pressed for time. Jesus was bruised, beaten and gave His life in the name of right. All of the disciples died horrific deaths. I’m not in a place in my life where that is required or expected of me. So, I must do what is right with what has been placed in my hands. I will do what is right in the little things. Perhaps one day, the big things will come.

Third, doing the right thing might benefit others more than it does you. Now this one may be a little subjective. Of course, there is the inward reward of a good conscious, etc., etc. That isn’t what I’m talking about here. I’m talking about things that are tangible. The big grocery corp benefited from my doing the right thing. I received nothing in return. I am the ultimate benefactor of Christ doing the right thing. Just by accepting that He is the savior of the world and asking Him to change me and help me be different, I get grace, freedom and eternal life.

Like I said, I’m not trying to over-spiritualize anything. This really is the way I process things in my brain all the time. So go there with me. That doesn’t mean I will always break down something so small as paying for a gallon of milk. It does mean that I am open for God to speak to me and teach me life lesson whenever and however He sees fit. I choose to always be ready for Him to speak to me in whatever situation I might be in at the moment. Most days going to the grocery store isn’t even a second thought. Saturday it was and I am glad I listened.

Here are excerpts from two sets of scripture to reflect on during this Holy Week – one from the Old Testament and one from the New. I have included links to the entire passages. Please take time to read them. I think you will see how they relate to the above post. If you come from a tradition that does a catechism or follows a lectionary, you will recognize that these are the traditional readings for today.

Isaiah 42

God’s Servant Will Set Everything Right
1-2 “Take a good look at my servant.
I’m backing him to the hilt.
He’s the one I chose,
and I couldn’t be more pleased with him.
I’ve bathed him with my Spirit, my life.
He’ll set everything right among the nations.
He won’t call attention to what he does
with loud speeches or gaudy parades.

The God Who Makes Us Alive with His Own Life
5-6 God’s Message,
the God who created the cosmos, stretched out the skies,
laid out the earth and all that grows from it,
Who breathes life into earth’s people,
makes them alive with his own life:
“I am God. I have called you to live right and well.
I have taken responsibility for you, kept you safe.
I have set you among my people to bind them to me,
and provided you as a lighthouse to the nations,

John 12

Anointing His Feet
1-3 Six days before Passover, Jesus entered Bethany where Lazarus, so recently raised from the dead, was living. Lazarus and his sisters invited Jesus to dinner at their home. Martha served. Lazarus was one of those sitting at the table with them. Mary came in with a jar of very expensive aromatic oils, anointed and massaged Jesus’ feet, and then wiped them with her hair. The fragrance of the oils filled the house.

4-6Judas Iscariot, one of his disciples, even then getting ready to betray him, said, “Why wasn’t this oil sold and the money given to the poor? It would have easily brought three hundred silver pieces.” He said this not because he cared two cents about the poor but because he was a thief. He was in charge of their common funds, but also embezzled them.

7-8Jesus said, “Let her alone. She’s anticipating and honoring the day of my burial. You always have the poor with you. You don’t always have me.”

Great God
Thank you for the sacrifice you paid in doing the right thing.
Let me follow in your footsteps and do the right thing with what you have placed in my hands.
May it honor You. Always.

AMEN